The Court Jester

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This little gem from 1956 isn’t just another musical comedy—it is in fact a brilliant satire on the melodramatic films of the time. Medieval romances were particularly popular and producers took every opportunity to hyperbolize that pageantry, ceremony, and amour. They even got one of the top villainous actors to play the bad guy. Add in a few songs and lots of plot twists and you’re all set for a ridiculously good laugh.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“We did research, Authenticity was a must! Did we search, and what did we find? A lot of dust!”

“Get it?” – “Got it.” – “Good.”

“A jester unemployed is nobody’s fool.”

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

The 2011 English adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s suspenseful bestseller perfectly translates the gripping story—and takes three hours to do so. Unfortunately, it also graphically portrays certain elements to which the book only alludes. It fully deserves its R rating, therefore I cannot recommend it to most audiences. It’s a pity, because the performances are flawless and even the cinematography conveys the cold tone of the book.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“It’s four hours by train; it’s not the North Pole.”

“The man who hires the detective should always be kept on the suspects list.”

“I want to show you something—bring your drink, leave my knife.”

We Bought A Zoo

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

This is one of the most beautiful films I have seen in a long time. The audience is enthralled in an Everyman’s adventure as he grieves for his late wife, struggles with his teenage son, delights in his young daughter—all while trying to revitalize a run-down zoo. The clever dialogue, combined with the unique challenges of a zoo, simple, clean cinematography, and gorgeous performances make this movie an unforgettable joy to experience.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“‘Whatever’ was the laziest word of the twentieth century.”

“I see you working in a field in Bolivia for angry men with large mustaches.”

“You don’t want me—I’m filled with Scotch and bitterness and impure thoughts!”

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

In this movie as in any game, a winning strategy sometimes requires sacrifice. Sequels are always difficult to pull-off successfully, especially when cast and character changes are called for. This new adventure in 2011 finds our heroes chasing the villainous Professor Moriarty across Europe, while somehow managing to maintain their signature panache—after all, only a Holmes wakes up his best friend from a hangover with bagpipes.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“They’re dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle.”

“Perhaps it’s better for one to die alone than to live life in an eternal purgatory.”

“The laws of celestial dynamics dictate that when two objects collide there is damage of a colatteral nature.”

It's A Wonderful Life

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

This beloved film is everything post-war America believed in: that sometimes the little guy wins, that faith matters, that family is important, and that miracles happen. Everyone knows this Christmas story, which has become a classic; each year we watch it to remind ourselves what life is all about in this crazy, scary, modern world—and that somebody has to stand up to the Potters and Hitlers of today. Perhaps 1946 wasn’t so very different from today after all.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“This is a very interesting situation! A man doesn't get in a situation like this every day, not in Bedford Falls anyway… maybe I could sell tickets?”

“Is this the ear you can’t hear out of? George Bailey, I’ll love you till the day I die.”

“I’ve been saving this money for a divorce in case I ever get a husband!”

New Year's Eve

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

While obviously trying so hard to recapture the chemistry of the Valentine’s Day movie, this star-studded concoction is merely entertaining. Shameless product placement, gratuitous inspirational speeches, tongue-in-cheek musical performances… it’s all very warm and cuddly, if slightly nauseating. However, it can’t be easy to make a whole movie about such an insipid holiday—even if it does largely revolve around the anticlimactic Times Square Ball Drop.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I’m not gonna give a long speech—Socrates gave long speeches and his friends killed him.”

“In my country when a man gets down on one knee, it’s either because he wants to get married or he’s been shot… sometimes both.”

“Have we not progressed past this string of Christmas lights that all go out if one of them dies?”

The Wedding Singer

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This 1998 film features the best (and worst!) of the 80s: mullets, Miami Vice references, a Billy Idol cameo… what more could you want? Hopefully an unforgettable Bar Mitzvah scene, a round of “Love Stinks,” and an old lady singing hip-hop—because those are included too. Hilarious and heart-warming, this cheeseball of a movie is always good for a laugh, but not much else.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You gotta get married before your hips start spreading and you get facial hair—which, by the way, comes from your father’s mother (looks like Magnum P.I.!).”

“I’m not happy; I’m miserable…. See, I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino cause they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino? … Their shows got canceled cause no one wants to see a 50-year-old guy hitting on chicks. What I’m saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be alright.”

“Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire, you understand me?”

The Muppets

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

The Muppets are BACK! And how! 2011’s relaunch of this classic franchise is everything it should be and more. From the care-free musical numbers to the tongue-in-cheek references to the fact that they’re in a movie to the celebrity cameos, our fuzzy heroes go above and beyond. They somehow manage to recapture the wholesome fun and innocent optimism of their first generation, while successfully translating their goodness for a new audience of kids of all ages.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I think that’s just an internet rumor, like there’s a country called Turkey.”

 “What’s more illegal? Briefly kidnapping Jack Black or destroying the Muppets?”

“Once, I waited a whole year for September.”

High Noon

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Most modern audiences don’t understand this movie. They don’t understand why it won four Oscars in 1952; or how you can watch it for two hours without action; or why the marshal refuses to compromise and leave town before noon. This film is about doing what is right, no matter the consequences—even if everyone, even your bride leaves you to die alone, even then you still defend them. Anyone who perseveres through watching this movie to the arrival of the noon train never forgets it.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You're a good looking boy, you have big broad shoulders—but he is a man. It takes more than big broad shoulders to make a man.”

“There's no time for a lesson in civics, my boy. In the 5th century B.C., the citizens of Athens, having suffered grievously under a tyrant, managed to depose and banish him. However, when he returned after some years, with an army of mercenaries, those same citizens not only opened the gates to him, but stood by while he executed members of the legal government… A similar thing happened about eight years ago in a town called Indian Falls.”

“You're leaving on the noon train, but your husband ain't? ...That's mighty interesting. Now, me, I wouldn't leave this town at noon for all the tea in China. No sir, it's going to be quite a sight to see!”

Tower Heist

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Having been swindled out of their pensions by a tenant, the staff of a high-end building decides to take matters into their own hands when the cops fail them. The potential for comedy is huge as we watch the concierge plotting with the chambermaid, turning into something resembling Robin Hood and his band of merry doormen. Unfortunately, that potential is left unrealized. Formed with the expertise of a petty criminal, undercover of the Snoopy balloon, the heist goes down without exciting the audience.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Anybody can sacrifice their queen, Josh, the trick is getting away with it.”

“My work visa’s about to expire. You must find me a husband.”

“If you get shot in the head, it’s over. If you get shot in the face, it goes through one check and out the other.”