Rainy Days and Mondays: 2012

The Dark Knight Rises

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

The stunning conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s epic Batman trilogy does not disappoint. For eight years since Harvey Dent’s death, Batman and Bruce Wayne have been hiding in the shadows; but, if you want to save the world, you have to start trusting it. Unfortunately, Bane and the League of Shadows prove to be too much for the hero on his own, proving that there can be no true despair without hope. This brilliant third film ties together the entire storyline beautifully as the entire cast delivers their best performances yet.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You wouldn’t beat up a woman any more than I would beat up a cripple, but of course, sometimes and exception must be made.”

“At this point, I’d set you up with a chimpanzee if it would get you back out in the world.”

“You’re a detective now, son. You’re not allowed to believe in coincidence anymore.”

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

What would you do if you found out you only had weeks left to live? What would happen if the whole world got that news all at the same time? As people run around partying, panicking, killing themselves, one man sets off on a quest for lost love. It turns out that what really matters the most is what you do when nothing matters anymore. Along the way there’s laughter and tears, and one of the most tragically romantic stories you’ll ever see.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You’d think a lifetime of waiting for the worst to happen would have prepared me for this.”

“I am a recovering serial monogamist.”

“This is the last supper! Do you think Jesus was sober for his last supper? Do you think he turned water into lemonade?”

Snow White & The Huntsman

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

This is not your grandmother’s fairy tale. Laced with feminism, psychology, and epic quest motifs, this revival adds layers and depth to the archetypal plot. Even the classic “Mirror, Mirror” line gets revamped by a sympathetic villain. Visually arresting, with tasteful special effects, the director’s skill is evident in his ability to distract the audience from the fact that his heroine only has three facial expressions. Snow’s destined alright—but destined for what?

TRAILER

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“She was armed only with a nail—if she’d had a sword, she’d have taken the kingdom!”

“We used to have pride, and now we just pilfer and drink and dream about the time we did.”

“Here you are, all dressed up like you’re about to wake up and give me more grief.”

El Cid

Two Stars:˜˜

All the pageantry 1961 Tinsel Town could muster could not save the worst script ever written. Compounded by cheeseball acting, this bank-busting production just leaves audiences groaning. Charlton Heston was obviously too old for such a role, but Hollywood refused to admit that the wheels had come off their epic movie-making machine. The overly dramatic looks, the poorly staged fight scenes, and especially the constant fanfare make this the best worst movie ever.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Can a man live without honor?”

“When brother fights brother, what can any man do?”

“Sometimes it’s best to leave a little something hidden, even between man and wife.”

Main Street

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Much like life, this movie has no real beginning or end. Everything in life, especially in a small town, is interconnected, with all of our lives affecting everyone else’s in ways we could never even imagine. Simple decisions (like which actor to give the good dialect coach to—obviously not Colin Firth), everyday occurrences, even the weather may all seem like accidents… or are they divine intervention? This little indy film from 2010 does fine job of portraying everyday life in Small Town, USA.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Your mama likes Harris. I like Harris. His mama says he’s going to law school just to please you.”

“I’m here to talk about what I love to talk about the most: managing our waste.”

“How do you pass a law against accidents?”

The Avengers

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

The Marvel franchise has been building to this moment for years and the wait was well worth it—thanks in great part to the film’s brilliant director, Joss Whedon. When the Avengers assemble to battle Thor’s vengeful brother Loki and his army of aliens, the super heroes’ chemistry is nothing less than epic. Full of breath-taking action sequences, the complicated plot and witty dialogue gives the film incredible rewatchability.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

“That’s my secret, Captain: I’m always angry.”

“There’s only one God, ma’am, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that.”

The Hunger Games

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

In the futuristic dystopia of Panem, each of the 13 Districts is subjected to a Reaping by the Capital every year, in punishment for a rebellion that happened 74 years ago. As the Capital continues to feed off the Districts (both literally and metaphorically), its hold is so tenuous that even one girl can destroy the balance of power. This film adaptation was incredibly well done, despite the unremarkable, somewhat hackneyed dialogue.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Why do we have a winner? Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.”

“Somebody that brave shouldn’t be dressed up in some stupid costume.”

“There are lots of underdogs and I think if you could see them, you would not root for them either.”

Did You Hear about the Morgans?

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This romantic, city slicker comedy brews and bubbles with warm fuzzies. A typical New York couple, separated and headed for divorce, accidentally witnesses a crime and gets swept off into witness protection. They find themselves doing “normal” “country” things like playing Bingo, shooting rifles, and getting chased by grizzlies—all while rebuilding their relationship in the simplicity of their new life. While not groundbreaking, this 2009 flick is still encouraging and entertaining.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Hello, it is me, your husband. At least, legally still your husband, as recognized by the state of New York, and in the end, who are we to argue with the governor?”

“People in Chicago are just as American and God-fearing as people in Wyoming. I mean, not me, specifically, I’m an agnostic.” – “Next thing you’ll be telling us you’re Democrats!”

“Oh my God, I am so sorry! It was a reflex. I took a self-defense course. I got an A in tasering. Would you like to go to a movie with me tomorrow?”

High Society

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Where could you find Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, and Grace Kelly all in the same place at once? Why, in the musical adaptation of The Philadelphia Story, of course! The dialogue is lifted word for word from the first film for the 1956 version and nobody could ever touch the original performances. However, the addition of Cole Porter's music makes this movie shine with its own bright light, and you could not ask for bigger stars.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“My dear boy, this is the sort of day history tells us is best spent in bed.”

“Caroline, don't say stinks. If absolutely necessary, smells, but only if absolutely necessary.”

“He's gonna get nowhere with that kind of music. Good for the feet, nothin' for the heart.”

Morning Glory

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Peppy, workaholic Becky with bangs is married to her job, bumping dates up to 4 PM because she has to get up ridiculously early to produce a morning show in Jersey. Then she gets fired. The semi-cliché plot of a single girl tackling the big city and an impossible situation is however rescued by the other characters in this 2010 chick flick. The grumpy old reporter, the aging beauty queen, the affable co-producer, the handsome new boyfriend… all contribute to the delightful dialogue.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You had a dream, great! When you were 8, it was adorable; when you were 18, it was inspiring; at 28, it’s officially embarrassing, and I just want you to stop before we get to heartbreaking.”

“My condolences on hiring the third worst person in the world.” – “Ha! Thanks. Who are the other two?” – “Oh, Kim Jong-Il and Angela Lansbury actually, she knows what she did.”

“It’s not for me. I did it for a couple of weeks once, but they put me back at Number Two. Apparently, the crying was distracting.”

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This brilliant Canadian comedy brings new meaning to the concept of sick and twisted. The 2010 film is already a cult classic—but I will never watch it ever again. Built around the classic horror plot of a group of college kids camping in the woods, things really get going when they all start dying gory, accidental deaths and blaming the neighboring hillbillies. The dialogue’s ironic juxtapositioning highlights miscommunication between the two groups, playing off stereotypes for hilariously bloody results.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I told you, Tucker, I’m a zero with the ladies. They hate my face.”

“He’s real heavy for half a guy.”

“I should’ve known that if a guy like me talked to a girl like you somebody’d end up dead.”

This Means War

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Few things can interfere with a bromance, but when two spies fall for the same girl, it is ON! When their gentleman’s agreement inevitably goes out the window, the bullets and repartee fly as former partners try to destroy each other. This movie was hilariously entertaining, with a hysterical blend of comedy, romance, and action.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Maybe we could get you a kid, sir, for a date. I know a guy.”

“Don’t choose the better guy; choose the guy who’s going to make you a better girl.”

“Why don’t you tickle Ivan’s feet till he talks with your teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, jazz hands!”

The Vow

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This movie is kinda your basic story of boy meets girl, boy and girl get married, girl gets amnesia, and boy has to make girl fall in love with him again. The plot was rather loosely formed, lacking classic elements and flow, although that may have been intentional. I did appreciate everything the movie did to reinforce the sanctity of marriage. However, I had a hard time believing that a woman could wake up from a coma and be upset that Channing Tatum was her husband—just saying.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“What’s mine is yours, I even have a certificate from the State of Illinois that says so.”

“Can I at least give you an awkward hug?”

“Is this the part of the date where I find out you’re not really my husband but a crazy stalker who’s going to strangle me with my purse?”

Man on a Ledge

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

The title seems pretty self-explanatory but there is so much more to this movie. It turned out to be a delightfully complicated heist thriller. Replete with duplicitous plot twists, even if it seems nothing is happening, there’s always something afoot. Nobody is who they seem, but one man has managed to figure out how it all works in order to perfectly manipulate every circumstance.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You hit like a girl—where you from, Jersey?”

“Anyone who creates traffic like this in Midtown should be shot!”

“Women jump for love; men, we jump for money.”

Midnight in Paris

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

The first four minutes of B roll of Paris pedestrians set to jazz would have been sufficient to make this movie fabulous but they proceeded into the past. Then they pushed even further back. As the characters each search for their own Golden Age in the past (from 2011 to 1920 to 1890 to 1760), the audience confronts their own denial. After all, the danger of nostalgia is that in an effort to escape the pain of the present, you also miss all the possibility.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I actually had a professor that dined there and saw James Joyce like a million years ago and apparently James Joyce was eating sauerkraut and frankfurters.”

“The artist’s job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. Don’t be such a defeatist.”

“You always take the side of the help, as usual—that’s why Daddy says you’re a Communist!”

Joyful Noise

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

They put Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton in the same movie, nuff said! Then they threw in some Sly & the Family Stone and Usher for good measure. There’s just something about good music that never fails to bring a smile to one’s face while simultaneously producing a tear in one’s eye—and this movie is a prime example of such excellence. They also nailed church politics to a hilarious perfection!

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“There’s always free cheese in the mousetrap, but trust me, the mice in there ain’t happy.”

“You are so country you been married three times and still have the same in-laws!”

“Didn’t Jesus say, ‘suffer the little children?’ Yes, he did! They are young and resilient and they will get over it—ya’ll can donate to Save the Children later.”

The Court Jester

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This little gem from 1956 isn’t just another musical comedy—it is in fact a brilliant satire on the melodramatic films of the time. Medieval romances were particularly popular and producers took every opportunity to hyperbolize that pageantry, ceremony, and amour. They even got one of the top villainous actors to play the bad guy. Add in a few songs and lots of plot twists and you’re all set for a ridiculously good laugh.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“We did research, Authenticity was a must! Did we search, and what did we find? A lot of dust!”

“Get it?” – “Got it.” – “Good.”

“A jester unemployed is nobody’s fool.”

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