Rainy Days and Mondays: 2011

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

The 2011 English adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s suspenseful bestseller perfectly translates the gripping story—and takes three hours to do so. Unfortunately, it also graphically portrays certain elements to which the book only alludes. It fully deserves its R rating, therefore I cannot recommend it to most audiences. It’s a pity, because the performances are flawless and even the cinematography conveys the cold tone of the book.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“It’s four hours by train; it’s not the North Pole.”

“The man who hires the detective should always be kept on the suspects list.”

“I want to show you something—bring your drink, leave my knife.”

We Bought A Zoo

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

This is one of the most beautiful films I have seen in a long time. The audience is enthralled in an Everyman’s adventure as he grieves for his late wife, struggles with his teenage son, delights in his young daughter—all while trying to revitalize a run-down zoo. The clever dialogue, combined with the unique challenges of a zoo, simple, clean cinematography, and gorgeous performances make this movie an unforgettable joy to experience.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“‘Whatever’ was the laziest word of the twentieth century.”

“I see you working in a field in Bolivia for angry men with large mustaches.”

“You don’t want me—I’m filled with Scotch and bitterness and impure thoughts!”

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

In this movie as in any game, a winning strategy sometimes requires sacrifice. Sequels are always difficult to pull-off successfully, especially when cast and character changes are called for. This new adventure in 2011 finds our heroes chasing the villainous Professor Moriarty across Europe, while somehow managing to maintain their signature panache—after all, only a Holmes wakes up his best friend from a hangover with bagpipes.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“They’re dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle.”

“Perhaps it’s better for one to die alone than to live life in an eternal purgatory.”

“The laws of celestial dynamics dictate that when two objects collide there is damage of a colatteral nature.”

It's A Wonderful Life

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

This beloved film is everything post-war America believed in: that sometimes the little guy wins, that faith matters, that family is important, and that miracles happen. Everyone knows this Christmas story, which has become a classic; each year we watch it to remind ourselves what life is all about in this crazy, scary, modern world—and that somebody has to stand up to the Potters and Hitlers of today. Perhaps 1946 wasn’t so very different from today after all.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“This is a very interesting situation! A man doesn't get in a situation like this every day, not in Bedford Falls anyway… maybe I could sell tickets?”

“Is this the ear you can’t hear out of? George Bailey, I’ll love you till the day I die.”

“I’ve been saving this money for a divorce in case I ever get a husband!”

New Year's Eve

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

While obviously trying so hard to recapture the chemistry of the Valentine’s Day movie, this star-studded concoction is merely entertaining. Shameless product placement, gratuitous inspirational speeches, tongue-in-cheek musical performances… it’s all very warm and cuddly, if slightly nauseating. However, it can’t be easy to make a whole movie about such an insipid holiday—even if it does largely revolve around the anticlimactic Times Square Ball Drop.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I’m not gonna give a long speech—Socrates gave long speeches and his friends killed him.”

“In my country when a man gets down on one knee, it’s either because he wants to get married or he’s been shot… sometimes both.”

“Have we not progressed past this string of Christmas lights that all go out if one of them dies?”

The Wedding Singer

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

This 1998 film features the best (and worst!) of the 80s: mullets, Miami Vice references, a Billy Idol cameo… what more could you want? Hopefully an unforgettable Bar Mitzvah scene, a round of “Love Stinks,” and an old lady singing hip-hop—because those are included too. Hilarious and heart-warming, this cheeseball of a movie is always good for a laugh, but not much else.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You gotta get married before your hips start spreading and you get facial hair—which, by the way, comes from your father’s mother (looks like Magnum P.I.!).”

“I’m not happy; I’m miserable…. See, I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino cause they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino? … Their shows got canceled cause no one wants to see a 50-year-old guy hitting on chicks. What I’m saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be alright.”

“Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire, you understand me?”

The Muppets

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

The Muppets are BACK! And how! 2011’s relaunch of this classic franchise is everything it should be and more. From the care-free musical numbers to the tongue-in-cheek references to the fact that they’re in a movie to the celebrity cameos, our fuzzy heroes go above and beyond. They somehow manage to recapture the wholesome fun and innocent optimism of their first generation, while successfully translating their goodness for a new audience of kids of all ages.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I think that’s just an internet rumor, like there’s a country called Turkey.”

“What’s more illegal? Briefly kidnapping Jack Black or destroying the Muppets?”

“Once, I waited a whole year for September.”

High Noon

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Most modern audiences don’t understand this movie. They don’t understand why it won four Oscars in 1952; or how you can watch it for two hours without action; or why the marshal refuses to compromise and leave town before noon. This film is about doing what is right, no matter the consequences—even if everyone, even your bride leaves you to die alone, even then you still defend them. Anyone who perseveres through watching this movie to the arrival of the noon train never forgets it.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You're a good looking boy, you have big broad shoulders—but he is a man. It takes more than big broad shoulders to make a man.”

“There's no time for a lesson in civics, my boy. In the 5th century B.C., the citizens of Athens, having suffered grievously under a tyrant, managed to depose and banish him. However, when he returned after some years, with an army of mercenaries, those same citizens not only opened the gates to him, but stood by while he executed members of the legal government… A similar thing happened about eight years ago in a town called Indian Falls.”

“You're leaving on the noon train, but your husband ain't? ...That's mighty interesting. Now, me, I wouldn't leave this town at noon for all the tea in China. No sir, it's going to be quite a sight to see!”

Tower Heist

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

Having been swindled out of their pensions by a tenant, the staff of a high-end building decides to take matters into their own hands when the cops fail them. The potential for comedy is huge as we watch the concierge plotting with the chambermaid, turning into something resembling Robin Hood and his band of merry doormen. Unfortunately, that potential is left unrealized. Formed with the expertise of a petty criminal, undercover of the Snoopy balloon, the heist goes down without exciting the audience.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Anybody can sacrifice their queen, Josh, the trick is getting away with it.”

“My work visa’s about to expire. You must find me a husband.”

“If you get shot in the head, it’s over. If you get shot in the face, it goes through one check and out the other.”

The Band Wagon

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

This particular specimen is as fine a musical as you would expect from MGM in 1953. Another jaunt into showbiz, we accompany a troupe attempting to put on a Broadway show designed around an over-the-hill entertainer and a young ballerina but hijacked by a producer who wants a modern Faust story. Characteristic of the genre, comedy and dance numbers abound—with just a touch of heart, of course.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I’ve had enough! …nevermind saying it: ‘Tony Hunter, 1953!’ I hereby declare my independence: ‘Tony Hunter, 1776!’”

“I should have listened to my mother. She told me only to be in hit shows.”

“You’ve got more scenery in this show than there is in Yellowstone National Park!”

The Three Musketeers

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

As long as you don’t mind the desecration of Alexandre Dumas’s classic novel, then you’re going to love this movie. A fantastical reinterpretation of the much-abused plot allows for new and improved action and adventure. With the archetypal trio recast as a sort of modern Special Forces unit, the imagination is allowed to expand upon wild concepts—such as Da Vinci airships in the 17^th century. From Venice to Paris to London, this movie is one crazy ride!

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“In the words of King Solomon, ‘I’ll take both.’”

“I realized that being a man of the Cloth and a man of God aren’t always the same thing.”

“A thousand ways of saying no and only some of them mean yes.”

The Big Year

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

This movie was not what I was expecting from three such comedic giants—it was more. The story was about so much more than ornithology or “birding” as they call it. It was a journey along the thin line between passion and obsession. Each of the characters is into bird watching for different reasons, but the motivations behind their hobby are universal. This film makes you question why you live your life the way you do, since that is much more important than the how.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“No prize money but the bird seed endorsements are huge!”

“I’d like to see the birds of China one day. Know anything about them?” – “Peking duck?”

“They’re men, dear. If they ever stop competing, they die.”

Real Steel

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

This film is why we go to the movies! All of the acting was superb, but the kid stole the show as he helped his dad grow up. The dad, a broken down old boxer, had been throwing things away his whole life: his career, his robots, even his son. Together, they refurbish a discarded robot to take on the biggest, baddest fighting machines in the world. As the characters develop along with the plot, the audience cannot help but be encouraged in their own battles.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Win or lose, fight’s not over till someone’s on the mat.”

“We fight smart, we be patient, we pray.… Seriously, pray!”

“1200 miles for a kiss?” – “Worth it.”

Once Upon A Mattress

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

The 2005 Disney film adaptation of the Broadway musical based on a classic fairy tale is priceless. We all know the story of the Princess and the Pea, but probably never imagined it like this: with a moat-swimming princess, a mamma’s boy prince, a mute old king explaining the birds and the bees through sign language and song…. I still can’t decide whose hair was more epic, Carol Burnett’s or Matthew Morrison’s. This movie is as far removed from reality as possible and a romping good time.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Cinderella had outside help!”

“About those spurs, do you remember the royal joust when you won them? We had a picnic later under the spreading oak… and a lark was singing and you said you’d remember that moment forever because the lark’s song reminded you of my name… well, I’m gonna have a baby!”

“I certainly like almost both of your parents, Dauntless.”

Abduction

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

The dialogue was prosaic, the plotline was predictable, yet I still enjoyed this movie. Possibly because young Taylor has all the makings of an action/adventure star: at least three intense expressions, easy good looks, and promising stunt skills. Much of the movie felt like an amalgamation of Alfred Hitchcock and Jackie Chan films—in Pittsburgh, of all places. While obviously designed to showcase Lautner’s talent (breaking him out of Twilight), in a classic ending, it ended up being all about the girl.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I don’t understand this game at all, but I like the popcorn.”

“The currency of this war is information.”

“When I’m finished, you will be responsible for the death of every friend you have on Facebook.”

A Knight's Tale

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

While it may have been produced in 2001, this movie about a medieval jousting champion seeks to span a thousand year gap. By blending classic rock, blatant feminism, and other modern elements into the background of the Dark Ages, the consistency of human nature is emphasized. The eternal themes of the universal human experience are artfully and entertainingly examined by the motley cast, later to become Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, and eventually, this incredibly re-watchable movie.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. Welcome to the new world. God save you, if it is right that He do so.”

“How would you beat him?” — “With a stick, while he slept.”

“I think it's time we celebrated our differences.”

Moneyball

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

Even though it is the American pastime, I am not a big baseball fan—however, I thoroughly enjoyed this particular examination of the game. It was incredibly well written and the cinematography was superb, as we watch one man try to change the way teams work. While it did drag in a few spots over the two and a half hours (and Brad Pitt’s chewing tobacco habit was distracting) overall, the romanticism of baseball was lovingly communicated through this film.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“He’s got an ugly girlfriend. Ugly girlfriend means no confidence.”

“When your enemy’s making mistakes, don’t interrupt him.”

“Would you rather get a bullet to the head or five to the chest and bleed to death?”

I Don't Know How She Does It

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

SJP once again personifies the modern woman, this time as a working mom. This film’s heroine is what happens when a woman tries to actually be Carrie Bradshaw in the real world—it just does not work. Trying to juggle her job and her kids, her husband and her boss, she lets things get out of hand and starts dropping balls. As our world continues to redefine the family, this movie is a refreshingly honest yet encouraging glimpse into one woman’s life.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman.”

“I love my job. I love my work. It has its ups and downs, but it doesn’t break your heart.”

“If you win this for us, we’ll forgive you for being a banker.”

The Rocketeer

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

This is one of those movies which I watched as a kid and will make sure that my own children watch. Disney’s 1991 film about the beginning of World War II has a little bit of everything: airplanes, movie stars, gangsters, Nazis, damsels in distress… even the Hindenburg explosion! When a young pilot who’s down on his luck stumbles upon a top secret rocket pack, he thinks he can use it to get back on his feet, oblivious to how many people will now be chasing him.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I finally played a scene with Neville Sinclair.”

“How do I look?” – “Like a hood ornament.”

“Tell him the dream’s over. Tell him Howard Hughes said so.”

How To Steal A Million

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

A romping heist in 1966 Paris is the premise for this comedy. The daughter of a master forger must steal back one of her father’s fakes before it is authenticated by a museum. She enlists the help of a handsome “burglar,” whom she had already caught breaking into her house. The two amateurs spend the night hiding in a closet, using a boomerang to trick a laser field, and irritating the prime minister. They manage to do all this quite stylishly, of course, complete with Audrey’s signature sunglasses.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“It's National Crime Prevention Week: take a burglar to dinner.”

“American millionaires must be all quite mad. Perhaps it's something they put in the ink when they print the money.”

“I tossed a coin on the way over—you lost.”

Jane Eyre

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

The 2011 adaptation of this gothic tale of woe should serve as a model for such future endeavors. All of the magnificent tension between convention and passion has been perfectly translated from page to film. The novel’s complicated plot is beautifully interpreted, making it palatable and accessible without sacrificing any of its substance. This classic story teems with conflict as a poor, plain governess must decide whether to settle for less or to trust in a divine plan: a decision we all must make.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I must keep in good health and not die.”

“Most freeborn creatures will submit to anything for a salary.”

“God intended you for a missionary’s wife. I want to claim you.”

The Eagle

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

Based on the historical juvenile novel, The Eagle of the Ninth, this film released earlier in 2011 was not as popular as it should have been. The story follows a Roman soldier’s quest to restore his family’s honor by recovering the lost Eagle standard of his father’s defeated regiment. He embarks on the quest with only his British slave and along the way they must confront issues such as courage, cowardice, nationalism, racism and camaraderie.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Your father was a perfect Roman—and everything that that implies.”

“Eagle lost, honor lost. Honor lost, all lost.”

“He’s not a slave. He knows more about honor and freedom than you ever will.”

The Help

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

Everyone knows about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the race riots in the 60s, but not many people know about the lives of the everyday people who lived through it all and tell their stories in this movie--particularly, the maids. These maids whose mothers had been maids and whose grandmothers had been house slaves, finally join the fight in their own way: whether baking fecal pies or writing about their abusive employers. You can laugh and cry with these women as their world changes in this exceptional film.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

"Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family."

"He kept asking me why I was black and one time I told him it was cause I drank too much coffee."

"Love and hate are two horns of the same goat and you need a goat."

Crazy, Stupid, Love

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

It never ceases to amaze me what guys will do when they’re actually, genuinely in love. This movie is the perfect example of just how ridiculous they can get—and it’s hilariously entertaining. For those of us who still believe in true love, it goes without question that you fight for your soulmate, whether that means a literal fistfight or just mowing the lawn. Also, a big shout-out to Josh Groban for that cameo!

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I know you’re 17 and I’m 13, which is the same age as your little brother, but soon our age difference won’t matter because I think you’re my soulmate.”

“You know a word that isn’t used very much anymore? ‘Cuckold.’”

“I bought a firearm from a shady internet website and I am prepared to shoot you in the face.”

RocketMan

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

I’m not sure what the folks at Disney were smoking in 1997, but this movie is some of the most idiotic comedy I’ve ever seen—and that includes SNL! That being said, it never fails to make me laugh. Somewhere around when the Mars astronaut (as blue as a Smurf) leads the globe in a rendition of He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands, I just lose it. If you need to turn your brain off, relax, and have a good, clean laugh, this is the movie you want.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Fun is my Chinese neighbor's middle name!”

“Can you leave me alone for just a few more minutes? I just got into the third act. ‘Yes! Close the door! It's bloody chilly in here!’”

“It's tale as old as time, Ulysses. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl. Boy and girl return to home planet…”

Cowboys & Aliens

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

What’s more Hollywood than cowboys or aliens? Cowboys AND aliens, duh! The impressive list of collaborators (Spielberg, Favreau, Howard) managed to seamlessly weld the two genres. All of the Western archetypes blend perfectly with extraterrestrial action in an incredibly entertaining adventure. An original plotline teems with multiple conflicts, allowing the stars to shine.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Demons took your gold. When you get to Hell, you can ask for it back.”

“Got a kid and a dog, why not a woman?”

“God doesn’t care who you were, son, only who you are.”

Swing Time

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

One of the best of all the Ginger Rogers/ Fred Astaire films, this 1936 musical is the definition of a classic. The stars sing and dance Jerome Kern’s music, much of which was destined to become standards, such as “The Way You Look Tonight” and “A Fine Romance.” The storyline is a simple boy-meets-girl; easily enjoyed, absent of the complicated stress that fills most modern movies. Fantastically choreographed production numbers and lots of laughs round out the flick.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Don't worry about me. I always talk to myself. You see, I'm my own grandmother and I have to keep the old girl interested.”

“You still got me. Course, I ain't a young and pretty girl. I ain't even a girl, but I'll stick.”

“I don't care what you happen to think he looks like. I know he stole my quarter.”

True Lies

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

In 1994, Arnold was the definition of a super spy. He had the moves, the gadgets, the secret identity… but while he was off saving the world, his wife was getting bored at home. When he discovers she might be having an affair, he launches a CIA operation to save his marriage—and ends up getting them all stuck in the middle of a terrorist plot. This is a great movie, but unfortunately you should probably watch the edited version and skip the scene in the hotel room.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.”

“Have you ever killed anyone?” – “Yeah, but they were all bad.”

“I'm beginning to like this guy! But, we've still gotta kill him. That's a given.”

Captain America: The First Avenger

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

Steve was just a kid from Brooklyn who never ran away from a fight but always lost them. He couldn’t even get into the Army until an opportunity to become part of a special unit presents itself. When he finally gets his shot to join his friends in the war, nothing turns out the way it was supposed to. With the help of Howard Stark, a ragtag support team and a dorky helmet, he continues to do whatever it takes to fight the bullies of the world—starting with a deranged Nazi. The classic action and snarky dialogue were thoroughly entertaining and the Avengers movie looks quite promising now.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Don’t win the war till I get there!”

“Some people forget that the first country the Nazis invaded was their own.”

“Arrogance may not be a uniquely American trait, but you do do it better than anyone else.”

The Devil Wears Prada

Five Stars: ˜˜˜˜˜

I love this movie not just for the high fashion, or Emily Blunt’s accent, but for its decisive resolution. The 2006 film based on the bestselling book chronicles the many compromises of a young writer who moves to the big city to chase her dreams. However, when she realizes how much her job as personal assistant to the Dragon Lady has cost her, she knows she has a choice to make. It’s a story of more than a growing-up and self-actualization: it’s about what is really important in life.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything, and then when I feel like I'm about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese.”

“Is there some reason that my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?”

“In case you were wondering, the person whose calls you always take: that's the relationship you're in. I hope you two are very happy together.”

Larry Crowne

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

Getting out of the Navy after 20 years, our hero was not expecting to start over—but then his wife left him and he lost his job. He finally goes to college, only to take a class with a professor who is going through her own divorce. Learning to reinvent himself also includes helping his classmate start a business and even joining a scooter gang. Anyone who has had to hit reset on life knows it’s not easy and this movie is obviously written from personal experience.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“I told you how to avoid divorce lawyers: you get married and you stay married.”

“Steve can’t take calls right now. He’s learning to care. Goodbye.”

“They call them smart phones but only dummies use them in my class.”

Stone of Destiny

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

Based on the amazing, actual events surrounding the theft of the Stone of Scone, this 2008 movie is a UK film treasure. In 1951, a group of university students head to London over their Christmas holiday to reclaim the coronation stone for Scotland. Pulling off the heist in Westminster itself, they reignite national pride and start the country’s greatest uprising since Braveheart—with a few laughs along the way, of course.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“It's good for a man to change his mind sometimes.”

“Scotland's dead. It died in its sleep. Nobody even gave it a funeral.”

“All great schemes are crazy. That's what makes 'em great.”

The Wind and the Lion

Four Stars: ˜˜˜˜

This incredibly unique film came at a perfect time for Connery and Bergen’s careers in 1975. Very appropriately, it is about change and conflict. Set in Morocco in 1904 (very loosely based on historical events) it affords a view of a world on the brink of war. Fatal incompatibility between brash new cultures and tenacious old ones, mixed with European imperialism, needed only a match to set off a fight. All that, embodied in Theodore Roosevelt and a Berber warlord: two opponents who never meet.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“If I miss the Morning Prayer, I pray twice in the afternoon. Allah is very understanding!”

“I'd never shoot anyone accidentally. I need their votes.”

“I don't think the French and Germans are gonna like this. Too early in the morning for rattling sabers.”

Green Lantern

Three Stars: ˜˜˜

When a hotshot test pilot crashes and gets his wings clipped, he figures the day can’t get any worse—until a dying alien entrusts him with superpowers. He is suddenly inducted into a galactic corps of guardians, known as the Green Lanterns after their source of power. Needless to say, the latest in the rash of superhero movies was somewhat predictable and relied heavily on graphic effects. Nevertheless, the novelty of this obscure DC franchise is refreshing.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“Did you just use your wingman as a decoy?”

“I think we both know I’m pretty good at walking away.”

“How wonderful that all it took for you to grow up was the end of the world.”

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